10 Things I Learned From Decluttering With My Mom

Today, I am sharing 10 things I learned from decluttering with my mom over the last 5 years. Yes, you read that right, we have been decluttering together for over 5 years.

I started decluttering my house back in 2017, and not long after that, my parents were happy to let me help them declutter! After all that time helping my mom, I learned quite a few things that I hope will help you!

Whether you’re decluttering your own home or helping someone declutter, these lessons should help with the process.

1 – Patience

We must have patience. Patience with ourselves, patience with the process, and patience with the person you might be helping.

It’s easy to look around and say Why isn’t this happening faster? Why won’t this person just get rid of this stuff?

I have even lost patience with myself! Saying quit overthinking every item and just declutter it. So it’s important to know that decluttering takes time, and the more stuff you have, the longer it’s going to take. 

Give yourself a break and embrace the fact that decluttering is an ongoing process that can take weeks or even years in some cases.

2 – Decluttering Can Be Fun

When decluttering with someone or alone, it can be a fun experience. It’s important to focus on the outcome of how your home will look and feel, and all the benefits you will see from a clutter-free home.

I think many people go into decluttering thinking it’s a chore, much like cleaning a toilet. This is not a good way to think of decluttering, and it takes all the fun out of the process.

3 – Pushing & Helping Declutter

When you’re helping someone else declutter—especially a family member—it can be tricky to find the right balance between pushing and helping. There’s a fine line between encouraging progress and being too forceful.

After all, the whole reason you’re there is to get some decluttering done, but you don’t want to create tension in the process.

It’s okay to gently push the person to make decisions about what to keep and what to let go of. Sometimes, a little nudge is exactly what they need to move forward. But it’s just as important to respect their boundaries.

Don’t pressure them into getting rid of something they truly care about. The goal is to support—not control—the process. Finding this balance takes patience, but it’s what makes decluttering together both productive and positive.

4 – Why Do They Want To Keep That?

There will be times when you’re helping someone declutter and you find yourself thinking, why on earth do they want to keep that? To you, it might look like junk or something that clearly needs to go, but to them, it could hold a memory, a sense of comfort, or simply a reason that makes sense in their mind.

As the helper, that’s something you have to come to terms with. You’re not there to make decisions for them—you’re there to guide the process.

Ask thoughtful questions, help them think through what they truly want to keep, and offer gentle encouragement. But ultimately, the decision to let go or keep something belongs to them.

5 – I Can’t Declutter For You

After decluttering with my parents for quite a few years, I’ve realized something important—I’m not decluttering for them. My role is to guide the process, help them think through their decisions, and keep things moving when we get stuck.

Sometimes that means saying, “Let’s set that item aside for now and come back to it later,” especially when the decision feels too hard in the moment.

Shifting the focus to something easier can help build momentum and keep the process from stalling.

I’ve also learned that decluttering isn’t like hiring a house cleaner. A cleaner can come in and tidy everything up for you, but decluttering is different—it’s full of decisions only the owner can make.

No one can declutter for someone else unless it’s just picking up obvious trash. The real work is emotional and personal, and that’s why the person who owns the stuff has to be the one making those choices.

6 – Sometimes We Don’t Get Rid of a Lot

There will be times when you spend hours decluttering, yet not much actually leaves the house. This usually happens when items have been around for a long time—especially home decor pieces or sentimental things that carry memories.

Those are always the hardest to part with. I’ve experienced this myself when helping a friend declutter. We spent the entire day sorting through her things, and by the end, I don’t think a single item had been donated or thrown out.

But that’s okay. That’s part of the process. Sometimes the first step isn’t letting go—it’s getting comfortable with the idea of letting go. Even just moving items into different piles or revisiting old memories can help someone start to think differently about their stuff.

So if you’re helping someone declutter, don’t be discouraged if progress doesn’t look like bags going out the door. The mental and emotional work comes first—and that’s progress too.

7 – Motivating, Not Pushy

Whenever I help someone declutter, my goal is always to be motivating but not pushy. I try to keep the energy positive and the sessions short—usually around one to two hours at most.

Decluttering takes a lot of mental energy because every single item requires a decision: Should I keep it? Let it go? Where should it go next? After a while, that constant decision-making leads to what’s called decision fatigue.

When people get tired, their motivation drops, and the process can start to feel overwhelming. That’s why I’ve learned it’s better to stop while things are still going well.

Ending on a positive note keeps momentum going and makes it easier to come back for another session later. The goal isn’t to power through everything in one day—it’s to make steady, thoughtful progress without burning out.

10 Things I learned from 5 Years of Decluttering With My Mom:

8 – No Rhyme or Reason to Keep or Declutter Something

I have noticed that there isn’t always a logical reason why someone keeps or declutters an item. It would be much easier if we could make strict rules on what to keep!

Unfortunately, when decluttering, people can be emotionally tied to an item that makes no sense. As an outsider, there have been times when I don’t understand why they are keeping an item. 

However, this is why decluttering can be challenging for some people. 

I used to think that you could go through a list of questions with someone and help them make an easy decision. However, the more I help people, the more I realize that some individuals truly struggle.

For instance, my mom got rid of all her nice party trays and kept the cheap $1 trays. Logically, this didn’t make sense, but this is what she wanted to do.

These questions below are helpful, but they don’t provide a cut-and-dry answer.

• Have I used this in the last year?
  If you haven’t touched it in a year, chances are you don’t really need it.

• Would I buy this again today?
  If you wouldn’t spend money on it now, it might not be worth keeping.

• Does this item add value to my life or my home?
  Things that don’t serve a real purpose or bring you joy can usually go.

• Am I only keeping this out of guilt or obligation?
  Keeping something just because it was a gift or cost a lot doesn’t mean you have to hold onto it.

• Is this item taking up more space (physically or mentally) than it’s worth?
  If something feels more like a burden than a benefit, it’s probably time to let it go.

9 – Try to Enjoy the Decluttering Process

I’ve learned that it’s so important to enjoy the decluttering process as you go. Try to make it as fun and positive as possible—especially when you’re helping someone else. Ask about the story behind certain items or how they came to have them.

You might hear some funny or touching memories that lighten the mood and turn what could feel like a chore into something meaningful. When the experience feels enjoyable, it’s easier to stay motivated and keep going.

Decluttering doesn’t have to be heavy or overwhelming—it can actually be a time for connection, laughter, and reflection if you approach it with the right attitude.

10 – Anything Decluttered is a Positive

When you’re decluttering, any progress is positive progress. Whether you donate a box of items or just let go of one thing, it’s worth celebrating.

Every little bit counts. If you got rid of even one item every day, by the end of the year you’d have 365 fewer things cluttering your home—and that’s a big win.

When you’re helping someone else declutter, try to focus on the progress, not the pace. I remember when my mom and I first started decluttering together back in 2018. She only parted with a handful of items that day, but it was still progress, and we made sure to celebrate that.

Sometimes, just taking that first step is the hardest part. Once you begin, you realize you can live without those things—and that makes it easier to keep going. Every small step forward matters, and each item you release creates a little more space, peace, and freedom in your home.

Decluttering Final Thoughts

Decluttering with my mom has taught me that this process is about so much more than creating a tidy home. It’s about patience, understanding, and connection.

Every session brings small wins, meaningful stories, and new insights into what truly matters. Helping someone declutter isn’t about perfection or getting everything done at once—it’s about progress, respect, and celebrating each step forward.

Over the years, I’ve realized that letting go takes time, and that’s okay. What matters most is moving at a pace that feels right and keeping a positive attitude along the way.

Whether you’re decluttering alone or helping someone else, remember to enjoy the process, stay kind, and celebrate every little bit of progress—because it all adds up to a lighter, more peaceful home.